putting off the less-necessary

well. my first thought was to entitle this "procrastination," but... i've kind of committed to myself that this blogsite would be all HOPE... and for the title, that sounded a bit negative. i have put off some important things, but am reveling tonight in the fact that i am soul-living in a place of peace though all life-circumstances are not ideal. as i type, my bedroom/office is overflowing the edges of the dresser and desk with papers and bills. my closet is outpouring baskets of unfolded laundry. (i do not know whose clothes are hidden in those...lol.) the laundry closet is piled high, as well, awaiting the day of order-restoration. um. the sink if full of dishes and the book-nook in our school area/space is a mess. i have two papers due and two tests to study for and take for an online class, bills to pay, and unfinished larger home-projects to complete (painting and such).... but. today...children were celebrated. a friend was encouraged. and a visit from my kids' most adoring fans ended the day with the best photo memory ever... ***sigh***it's all good. yes. i would LOVE to have all the clothes put away. paperwork filed neatly. kitchen spit-spot. of course. i do crave order and will never give up on the idea that it IS possible in a family of six inhabiting a 1400 sq. ft. home for things to be put in place. i would love to have a perfect schedule in which all daily assignments such as online classwork and bill-paying were completed ahead of said (perfect) schedule. HOWEVER...i am content. content in knowing that perfection will come after my "birthday-suit falls off" (as scott likes to say...lol) and that in the living of life, when i am tempted to feel frustrated by the imperfection...or the less-than-expectation-meeting norm, i maintain inner peace that God is moving me through the days with a heart-focus on the most important things of life. the eternal things of life. Glory to God alone. (soli Deo gloria).

processing

i am sitting in my (moss green) living room (see previous blog for important/jk.lol. blog on room and blog template color.)... successfully tuning out scott and jeffrey's sports talk. i really think they've been discussing sports celebrities and their teams' good decisions/bad decisions... for a solid 40 minutes now. no...it has to be longer than that. i am aware that this could go on and on and on. lol. well...i should be writing a paper, but have decided that other thoughts that have been prevalent on my mind over the last couple days NEED to be processed. helps to write it down. decided to do it on the blog...i think maaaaybe...at some point...it could benefit another person.

on september 15th at 10:15pm (according to my computer screen), i think i probably will be attending PA school at some point in the future. yesterday at 11:00-noonish...i was nearly completely confident that it was time to be ok with letting all considerations of the idea go for good. (thank you, meredith, for listening and processing with me. you are amazing, wonderful friend. we need to talk again. lol :)) yeah...i have gone back and forth about this life-changing decision and i am so thankful for how intensely God will walk us through everything in order to examine our motives and show them to us in order that...at least, i guess, if we are consistent to ask, anyway...that...HE is INTERESTED in who we are and who we are becoming. our activities, plans, and...such...are so secondary to who we are in Him. thank you, Father, for examining my motives and my heart. thank You for peace in the knowledge that You are my loving Father. my Protector. my Life-planner. my HOPE. my PEACE. thank You for Your process in me. You are moving me to find Healing in You that i can be light to others. You in me. soli Deo gloria.

i am thankful, at 10:32pm that i can truthfully blog that my thoughts about the future are thoughts of confidence and peace. (this is new and good. confusion has been dismissed/praise the Lord.)...and yes, scott and jeffrey are still circular breathing about random football statistics...

moss green

so my thought for today is i'm super glad that my new blog template almost matches the green in my living room. the sky's a bit bright for me, but until i find the time to design my own template complete with dandelions, this will do (and it's green will make me happy).

speaking of...it is a theme of life. happiness...a theme of this blog site and hope...a theme of life for our days.

so...i have an amazing friend who started a blog recently (posted today, in fact), and when i commented on her first post, i realized that if others click on the little blogger icon next to my name, they can link to my blogspot. i found this out accidentally by linking to it myself and realizing that it'd been months since i posted anything. (see, ami, you are inspiration already and your creativity is contagious!...inspiring at least one additional blog on my much-neglected site.)

anyway...i thought as i revisited my blogger dashboard, I would let my hope-thoughts overflow onto the "happy" page...so, here goes: I'VE BEEN WORKING IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM FOR ALMOST SIX MONTHS NOW...and i am still consistently overwhelmed with the pain of life. my life and experiences hurt. they ache sometimes...but SEEING what many have to live with/live through...i am SAD. life is excruciatingly painful. disappointments can lead to discouragement. discouragement can lead to depression. depression can lead to despair. almost every night that i work, i have to wheel at least one person to the behavioral health unit for detox. i walk with family members. i see them say their goodbyes until the hour and a half that they'll be able to come visit the next day with tears in their eyes and a catch in their breath as they think about the reason(s) that they are there. i think about the pain that my sister has endured...a decade of many, many disappointments (huge understatement). i think about a close friend who has recently lost full-custody of her children to a cruel man. life can be indescribably painful.

soooo.... why do we have this blogspot displaying pics of our "happy" life!?!? ...because...in the midst of it all...during an intense season of reflection, recollection of the painful events of a decade, observation and influence of a place of heartache at the hospital... HAPPINESS. true blessing. HOPE...is secure and REAL and worth spending some time proclaiming (even to just the handful of peeps that my wander on to this page).

HE HEALS THE BROKEN-HEARTED AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS. PS. 147:3.

He is hope. He is encouragement and life. He restores and breathes life, and He is interested in us, His creation. i was reading a book about Him (JESUS!) to our kids this morning and it explained how He came to earth as a man. the book explained it as an artist entering his painting/painting himself in the picture.

He came for us. to die and to live again. so that we would not have to live forever separated from His eternal love. unconditional and enduring love...knowing that this love is life and breath to us and that we are helpless and hopeless without it.

thank You, Jesus. thank You for hope. and for happiness...

tsion. salem. hope. journey.